Unpacking Life -

I think I've mentioned in one of my previous posts about my love for cooking. Thus far, it is the only thing that never fails to make me happy. I love being in the kitchen and I love trying out new recipes. I still have a lot to learn, especially traditional Malay cooking and I absolutely suck at making Italian food. I can't even get instant bolognese to taste right, you know, the ones that you just need to add water? Yeah. I really suck at making Italian food...  To be honest, I actually learned how to cook quite late in life. I was 21 when I started, and it was because I was living on my own in another country. It was expensive to eat out and also it was quite hard to get halal food. So the only option I had was to learn how to cook. I still remember the first meal I made for myself, in that small studio apartment, it was sauteed chicken bits with potatoes and onions, scrambled eggs and rice. I had one plate, one mug, a small rice cooker, and a small induction cook...

I always think of myself as a very dull person. If people ask me what I do during my free time, I will most probably say "I don't know ay?". I used to like reading, but now I can't even finish a book (no matter how interesting the book is). The only reading I do now is for my courses- journal articles etc.  I think I was into baking for a bit a few years ago. But it got too ' renyah ' for me and I would always end up with a dozen of cupcakes with no one to eat it.  I tried running/jogging, but that did not last.  I don't really watch TV, I don't even own a TV. I do like shopping, but I don't have the money to sustain that hobby. So, what then? What do I like? So after I did some thinking, I came to the conclusion that cooking is the only thing I never got bored of. I really enjoy being in the kitchen trying out new recipes. I'm not an expert or anything, but I do love it a lot. Whenever I'm stressed out wi...

"You have this idea in your head about what and how it's going to be like when you finally meet this person you want to be with. But when things do not happen the way you imagine it, you start to think that he doesn't love you and you start to feel insecure. You should not feel that way!" "Do not expect too much, and do not expect to get back whatever you give. But then again do not settle!" "If you have something to say to him, just say it! It doesn't matter if he gets angry" "If you feel like something is wrong, tell him! You'll save a lot of time!" "You're the type of person who when you love, you really love. You have to learn to be cool" -This is from my 17-year old sister when I asked her if she thinks Amir loves me. 

I glance at the clock,  "One more hour...". My heart is beating faster than usual. I feel nervous. Anxious. But the good kind. I can hear noises outside my room:  people chatting and laughing, furnitures moving, and sometimes my mother's voice asking the person in charge if  everything is in order. I am in my room, sitting at the edge of my bed.  I take a look around.  The room is probably  the nicest it has ever been.  There is a bouquet of flowers on the side  table next to the bed. My best friend is talking about something, but I am not sure what.  I am too distracted. My sister comes into the room, "Are you okay?" "Yes" I smile. "I have to help Mak outside for a bit, I'll be back to check up on you soon okay" A few more people come into the room after that, "Are you nervous?" "Congratulations" "You look beautiful!" Then, my father comes in and I know what it means. He lo...

I am tired But I can't sleep My head is full of worries Of assignments and deadlines Will I be able to get it all done? But what's occupying my mind the most is You Despite the tonnes of work that I have to do, I still wish I could talk to you Only you can make me feel better Make me calm But I can't So I guess I better just try to Sleep

I'm quiet not because I'm angry not because I stopped caring or stopped loving you I'm quiet because I'm tired because I need to re-evaluate myself I need to get rid of these negative thoughts and feelings I need to learn to be happy on my own before I can be happy with you I'm sorry for all my imperfections I'm sorry I hurt your feelings Sorry for being difficult Please know that it is not my intention to hurt you or cause any problems

A special birthday cake for a very special person. Hope you like it. Ordered this from deliciouslychocolate  and very happy with their service! :) It's very easy to order online, delivers on time, lets you know if it is successful/not, reasonable price and according to the person I sent it to, their cakes are awesome (this is my second order). For now, they only deliver within the Klang Valley but you can always pick it up at the shop.  Before this, I've tried another cake delivery service but I was not very happy with their service. Although they deliver almost all throughout Malaysia, the quality of the cakes depend on the nearest cake shop available to the address you are delivering to. So, sometimes what you ordered is not the same as what it is delivered and the price that you are paying can sometimes be more than the price of the actual cake. Anyway, I'm very happy with this one- I think I'll be ordering more cakes from them in the futur...

I was blog-hopping when I stumbled upon this post by an ex-college mate. Definitely something for me to think about: "Detachment is being detached from the consequences of your thorough choices, from things that make you feel negative or sad, detachment from materialistic things in life that you must have in order to make you feel good everyday, or from the things that a person mistakenly say or do instead of the person itself. It is about letting go of utter control and feel okay with it. Being detached, you will have peace of mind knowing that what is meant for you will come to you, and what is not meant for you will pass . When you are free of attachments, it gives you freedom and courage to venture out into the world, travel far and wide to see the world in search of meaning and marvel in the creation of the Creator. You will know that you will have nothing to lose with travelling. All the money you spent is replaced with experiences that stretch your mind wide, th...

Dear you, I haven't heard from you since you told me you've arrived home this morning. I hope you are okay, I know you must be tired and probably a bit jet-lagged. You're probably feeling a little bit uncomfortable with the weather too, but it'll be okay soon. Your body just needs to adjust to the Malaysian weather again. When you told me how hot it is in Malaysia, it instantly reminded me of my first time coming home back in 2008 after spending a year in NZ. I thought my friends were over reacting when they talked about how hot the weather is in Malaysia, but then I found out that they were telling the truth. I was so uncomfortable the first few days that I wanted to stay in my room with the aircond on all the time. It took me a few days to adjust. Anyway, I'm writing this because I want to talk to you so bad right now, but I don't want to bother you. So I decided to write this. I'm not sure if you will ever get to read this since I don't even k...

"Truth is, I want you more than anything else in this world"

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother caring so much about someone who probably doesn't even care that much about me. Why do I allow myself to go through this again and again? When will I learn? Maybe I should stop caring just a little bit. you know... to protect my own heart. I'm not asking much from you, except for just maybe show a little bit of appreciation. It's not that hard, and it won't cost you anything. Maybe next Tuesday is a mistake. But I don't think I can cancel it now. "Why make someone a priority, when you're only an option"

This year is my forth year celebrating Eid away from home... and the first time celebrating it with new friends in a new place. So far, Alhamdulillah, I am very happy and grateful to be given the opportunity to be here. We had our Eid prayer at the MQU musolla. It was so nice to see other Malaysians as well as friends from other countries celebrate Eid there too. After the prayer, we decided to join Kak Ila and her family visit one of the mosques here in Sydney. I have never been to a mosque in Sydney before so that was nice. She took us to the one in Auburn...but we arrived a bit late so no one was there. After that, her children wanted to get something from McD so we went to the drive-thru (it's the only halal McD in Sydney I think). Then, we decided to go raya at Kak Ila's house- so nice to eat homemade raya food! :) So, that's basically what I did on my first day of Eid...I had class the next day and also the whole day on Saturday so no more celebrations.  An...

I was just done having my buka puasa alone in my room yesterday (roommate had a class and I was too lazy to go to the musolla) when my mother suddenly facetimed me (is that even a word? Lol). It is very unusual of her to do that especially since we just talked earlier that day. Anyway, this came up on the screen when I answered the phone:   I know that's very blurry but that's all I managed to capture when suddenly my mother held this thing up on the screen (and that black box at the top right of the screen is actually me, had to color it in because my hair wasn't properly covered, hehe).  I was confused at first, but then she flipped the card and I saw "Surrey" and immediately I knew who it was from. Mak was so excited she read the postcard out loud ( sabar je lah, nasib baik takde yang jiwang hihi ) and I found that very amusing...both of them (Ayah was there too) were more excited than me! And then Mak asked, why did A sent this to JB instead of ...

I always believe in: "If you have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything at all" Although I admit, sometimes, I slip too. Most of the time it's because I cannot control my emotions and in the end hurt the people I care about the most. But I do try my hardest, to think about my words, before saying them. For words can cause severe damage, it has the potential to break hearts, ruin marriages and hurt people. Once you say something, you can never take it back, whether you meant it or not. So people, please, if the words you are about to say can hurt other people, then don't say it. Think about how it may affect other people (even if they mean nothing to you). What you say may cause problems to other people's relationships. You can joke all you want, but make it private, so that those who are indirectly involved do not take it the wrong way. Long distance relationships are hard enough, I do not need you ruin things with your thoughtless...

It has been quite a rough week for me. I was under a lot of stress that my anxiety attacks came back. I haven't had those for a while now, but it's here again. I know some people would say " Ala itu pun nak stress, relax la ", "toughen up!" etc. but believe me I do not ask to have these anxiety attacks. I hate them actually. I've tried everything to make it go away and although it is not as severe as it used to be, I still get them every now and then. Especially if I am under a lot of pressure/stress and could not cope well with the situation. My Mak used to get angry (wait, she still does) when I get these attacks... She thinks I do it on purpose, but it's not like that at all. Who likes to be/feel weak/pressured/stressed? What happens when I get these attacks is, I gag, like I'm about to vomit but nothing comes out. It's something that is out of my control, it just happens. It can happen anywhere at anytime. Close friends know ab...

To say I miss you is an understatement. I wish we don't have to be apart - this long distance thing is not fun for me anymore. Can we be together now, always, please?

I know I'm kinda strange, to you sometimes Don't always say, what's on my mind You know that I've been hurt, by some guy But I don't wanna mess up this time [BRIDGE] And I really really really care And I really really really want you And I think I'm kinda scared Cos I don't want to lose you If you really really really care Then maybe you can hang through I hope you understand It's nothing to you [CHORUS] My heart's at a low I'm so much to manage I think you should know that I've been damaged I'm falling in love There's one disadvantage I think you should know that I've been damaged I might look through your stuff, for what I don't wanna find Or I might just set you up, to see if you're all mine I'm a little paranoid, from what I've been through Don't know what you got yourself into And I really really really care (And I care about you so much) And...

One more sleep before he leaves for the UK. His flight's tomorrow morning. Safe journey awak, I pray that awak selamat pergi dan balik. Remember to have fun over there :) 

I was so bored today that I decided to browse through friends' Instagram photos and realised how far left behind I am compared to them. Most of them already have stable jobs, are either engaged or already married, already have kids or are pregnant with their first child.  What do I have? What have I achieved so far?  I'm turning 26 this year.  No job, no husband, no kids. and I still live like I'm 21.  I can't help but feel envious of them when I look at their wedding/baby photos and how happy they look.  I have to admit, it does get lonely sometimes. I'm tired of doing everything alone. I want someone cuddle and talk to at night, to wake up to in the morning, to love, to spoil, to argue with, get annoyed with, to cook for, to look after, to cry to, and basically to spend the rest of my life with.  I really hope our plan to get married next June comes true. I know he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with and ...