A letter

Dear you,

I haven't heard from you since you told me you've arrived home this morning. I hope you are okay, I know you must be tired and probably a bit jet-lagged. You're probably feeling a little bit uncomfortable with the weather too, but it'll be okay soon. Your body just needs to adjust to the Malaysian weather again. When you told me how hot it is in Malaysia, it instantly reminded me of my first time coming home back in 2008 after spending a year in NZ. I thought my friends were over reacting when they talked about how hot the weather is in Malaysia, but then I found out that they were telling the truth. I was so uncomfortable the first few days that I wanted to stay in my room with the aircond on all the time. It took me a few days to adjust.

Anyway, I'm writing this because I want to talk to you so bad right now, but I don't want to bother you. So I decided to write this. I'm not sure if you will ever get to read this since I don't even know if you have figured out the new link to my blog. But whatever it is, this is for you. 

I guess we're skipping our 'date' this weekend. It's alright, I can wait another week- I hope you haven't forgotten your promise. Because if you have, I'm going to be really sad. I don't want to be/sound demanding so I try not to remind you about it. Besides, I like it when you remember, makes me feel special. It's different when I have to ask you about it because it makes me feel like I'm the one who is overly-excited when the truth is you don't really care. I don't think what I'm asking from you is too much, kan? A phone call once a week is not too much, kan? 

Sometimes I wonder what you did to make me love you so much. I can't deny it, I do love you and I love you a lot too. You're the type of person who doesn't show your emotions whereas I am the type who lets the person I love know how much the person is important to me. We're total opposites of each other, and yet I find myself more and more attracted to you. 

Earlier this year, I would never have imagined how important you will become in my life right now. I added you on Facebook after our mutual friend told me about you. I don't know why I did it, but a week after he mentioned your name, I decided to just add you. When you approved my request we chatted for a bit. I still remember Anugerah Juara Lagu was on TV, and I was in my room with the door open so that I could see the TV. We didn't talk much that first time, but since that night, we haven't stopped talking. I asked you if I could have your BB pin so that we could BBM each other and since then you always sent me a text wishing me "good morning" and "good night". I remember looking forward to your texts every morning when I go to work and every night before I sleep. You were very consistent and I really like that about you. I also remember telling you about my plans to further my studies in Australia, and that I was still waiting for MARA to approve my application. You were very supportive of it even though we barely knew each other at the time. You took your time to listen to my situation- about my job and my studies. I remember feeling very comfortable telling you things about me.

I also remember how we used to send each other photos of what we were doing, but never photos of each other. You would send me a photo of your computer screen, and then continue explaining to me about pipes and stuff, and I would send you a photo of my new desk, or what I had for breakfast. I think I came to work smiling every day. There was one time we were showing each other our collection of books, and I was like "nak pinjam!". A few weeks later the books arrived together with a packet of sotong kering that you bought during your visit to Kuantan. I was very touched by your thoughtfulness. I think it was my first time receiving a parcel from someone outside my family. 

I was in Kelantan for a course when I received the news that my application to further my studies has been approved and that I was leaving in two weeks. At the time, we were still just texting each other and apart from pictures, I have never heard your voice or seen you in real life. When I told you that I had to leave in two weeks, you asked if it was possible to postpone it until July because it was too soon. But my parents told me to just go- and they assured me that I could get everything settled within two weeks. My father helped me a bit financially, since it was quite sudden. 

I had to go to KL for my medical checkup and that was the first time I met you. It was only for about 15 minutes but you made a really good impression on me. I think I already wrote about our first date in one of my earlier posts...so I'm not going to write about it again. But I want you to know, I'm so glad we decided to meet up that day. I also drove to KL twice after that to settle some documents at MARA, but we didn't get to meet up because it was just a day-trip. However, you promised to send me off at KLIA on my departure day.

The day you sent me off was also the day you met everyone in my family; my parents, brother, sisters, sister-in-law, nephew as well as other close friends. It was one of the happiest moments in my life having all the people I care about with me before I left for Sydney. I really appreciate that you came that night. You also gave me that red pashmina that I love so much. Thank you.

For the next 4 months we continued texting each other. I think we only talked once or twice on the phone but it was fine. I was very happy with whatever we had. By that time, you already told me your intention to marry me one day. You haven't told me you loved me but you did tell me you want to marry me and I was very happy. We got closer and I remember the first time you finally told me you love me, I thought I was dreaming. And since then, we never stopped saying it to each other.

Due to some urgent matter, I had to come back for a week back in June. We took the opportunity to see each other again. You came to JB and met my parents again. They adore you. I have never seen my parents like that with any of my guy friends before. My dad even asked if you were okay with them. We met once again before I went back to Sydney. I wish we could see each other more often...

Things just seem to be happening for the both of us this year, Alhamdulillah. You were given the opportunity to work in the UK for a month and you actually just came back today. I am really happy for you and I do want you to see and experience the world. I know I can be difficult at times, but it's only because I really love you and I am just so scared of losing you. I really hope you can be patient with me. It's not my intention to hurt you or make your life difficult... so I'm really sorry if I did during your stay in the UK. 

Please know that I love you and care about you a lot. I hope you will not change your mind about me. I really hope we get to be together one day. 

I think this is all for now...it's already 11.31 p.m and I still haven't heard from you. Maybe I should just go to sleep. You're probably very tired. 

Take care awak, I'm always praying for the best for you and for us. 

Good night, sayang awak.

Assalamualaikum.

                                                                                                                 Yours,

                                                                                                                    Iqa