It has become a habit of mine.

It has become a habit of mine to start a new blog whenever I feel stressed out with things that are happening around me. And this one, like many others that I have started, probably won't last that long too. I just have this itch to write how I'm feeling when I feel like nobody understands what I'm going through...(most of the time, it's just me being mengada...but everyone has their mengada moments sometimes) 

Why am I stressed? Well because...a few days ago, I received a huge news. News that's going to change my life in a very significant way. Let me start from the start so that no one is confused (haha it's not like anyone is reading anyway). 

Last year, back in October, I decided to apply for Masters in Australia. Part of the reason was because I was tired of the things that was happening around school, and I was missing my life as a student so terribly. My status working there was still contract, and I could actually leave if I wanted to. But then, where would I go? Don't get me wrong, I love teaching, I love my kids, each one of them, and I have awesome colleagues who have become family to me..and I have an awesome housemate who is like a sister to me. Everyone is very nice and supportive, including the staff of the school...but I just couldn't see myself in that place for the next 5 years or so. I want something more in my life. So I talked to one of the officers in HQ, who has become quite close to us because she deals with us directly about anything that has to do with Tindikan TESOL, and as I was talking to her, she suddenly said, "Aren't any of you interesting in furthering your studies?". And I said, "Can we? How? We're already working and we need to serve MARA for 5 years to pay our student loan...." So she explained to me that it was possible because we were still contract so she asked me to apply and once I get the offer from University, she asked me to give it to her. After I hung up the phone, I called Jo, one of my dearest friend, and told her what I've just been told. We also told two of our closest friend, Zaty and Shufaiha...but Shufaiha was already applying at the time to do her Masters in the UK. When the three of us got our firm offer letters from the University, we straight away contacted the officer in MARA and she said she would look into it....weeks turned to months and still no news. We followed up every now and that but the answer was always the same, "We're working on it". It was mid December that I was already giving up and accepted my fate that I might not be able to further my studies. 

So school started in January, and my contract ended on the 12th January. I asked my Principal about my situation and he told me to just come to work as usual...and I did. Jo was still very positive about doing Masters, and I already gave up and told the University that I would like to defer to June. (A lot of things happened in between that I missed out here, because it's going to be too long).

Two weeks ago, I got my permanent offer letter. When people were congratulating me of the good news, I just smiled but deep in my heart, I was quite sad. I really wanted to do my Masters, and possibly continue my PhD. I want that Dr. title in front of my name. Why? Because I think I can... I was never a bright student back when I was in school, but when I entered Uni, everything changed. I realised that I could actually achieve something if I put my heart into it. I discovered that I have a passion in Educational Psychology and I was doing quite well... and I had loads of fun back in Uni...I want a stable future for myself, at least I can take care of myself and don't have to depend on anyone if (God Forbid) I end up alone. 

But anyway, since there was almost zero possibility left of me continuing my studies, I started to accept my fate and live my life as usual. I reminded myself to be grateful of all the things that Allah has given me... A good family, a stable job, amazing friends, lovely students and other countless blessings. It was already February so I decided to move on. Suddenly, and very unexpectedly, on the 5th February, Jo called me and said "Iqa, I just talked to ****** and she said our application has been approved!". And I was like, "What do you mean it's been approved?" (I was about to take a shower but that news changed everything...) My legs felt wobbly and landed on the floor trying to make sense of what Jo has just told me. Suddenly everything seems so surreal...really? I can further my studies? But I already told the Uni that I am deferring? Do I still have place? 

So I started sending emails to my agent (IDP), and also to the University. Thankfully, the University told me that there is still a chance for me to go for the February intake, but I have to do everything fast...And so I asked my dad for help to get my offer letter from MARA HQ since he was in KL. The offer reached my hand on Thursday night at about 10 pm....and I noticed that MARA made a mistake of stating my Course as Masters of Arts, English Literatue. Oh no! This could not be happening.... Getting them to change will take more time...and the Uni asked me to send the corrected one as soon as possible. So on Friday morning, my mother asked me whether I would like her to accompany me to drive up to KL. Drive up to KL? Never in my life have I done that! But because I could only think of getting the correct documents, I just agreed to her suggestion. That was my first time driving up to KL, to MARA HQ...and Alhamdulillah, it was quite smooth. We reached MARA at 11.45 am, almost closing time for Jumaat prayers and I managed to get the correct documents. 

I bumped into Jo and her parents, and she explained to me the steps that we have to take after this...she also helped me scan my documents to send to University because I need my eCoE to apply for Visa. I called Uni as soon as I sent them the email and a few hours later I received my eCoE! I am so grateful for Jo, and her laptop!

So yesterday, I applied for my Visa online...and I will have to do my medical checkup... I plan to do it on Thursday with Jo. I have also called my Principal to let him know about the offer. He sounded positive and congratulated me.

So now I will have to get everything organised and hopefully get my Visa soon. InsyaAllah if everything goes well I will leave for Australia in less than 3 weeks. 

My feelings about leaving? Mixed. 

I am not that nervous because I know I will have Jo with me, so at least we have each other. I really look forward to live with her again... 

Leaving my family? Yes I do feel sad about having to be far from my family again...but I'm sure it will be okay. I've done it before, for a longer period of time, and I'm sure it will be okay. They told me they will come to visit so I guess it will be okay...

How about my other goals in life? Like getting married? How am I going to find anyone... and I'm already 26 this year (26!?) Well...I guess I will have to leave that to Allah. I have faith in Him and I know He knows what's best for me. I know He will never give me anything more than I could handle.... so InsyaAllah, that person will come when the time comes.

Currently, I am getting to know this person...and things are going great. I have yet to meet him or hear his voice, but we've been texting for over a month and I have seen his pictures... I don't know where it's going but I hope it will be somewhere good. To that person, I know you might never read this (or maybe you will, considering how good you are at stalking), I just want to say thank you. You are one of the reasons I am smiling lately and I wish I could tell you this. I don't want to scare you away...

I guess I'll stop here...for a first post on this new blog, I think this is more than I expected to write.

Whatever happens in the next two weeks, I hope it will be a smooth ride. InsyaAllah. Amin. 

Ya Allah, permudahkanlah urusanku untuk sambung belajar. Amin.