I so don't deserve this.

"You don't have to be so mean you know..."

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Hypnobirthing

When I first found out I was pregnant, one of the first people I told was a colleague here in UniKL. Her name is Dr. A. I knew her because we had to attend a meeting together at one of the institutes. We were talking about random stuff when I suddenly told her about my pregnancy (I have no idea why I told her). She told me how much she loves the process of being pregnant and urged me to find out about Hypnobirthing/Gentlebirthing. She then told me how she made the decision to give birth to her second child using HVBAC - Home Vaginal Birth After Caesarian (read her story here: My HBVAC Hypnobirth Story   One of the reasons she made this decision was because of her traumatic first child birth experience. She, however, stressed the importance of being well informed about the process of childbirth etc. Anyway, a few days later she emailed me two e-books on gentle birthing and told me that I must read it!  I recently got around to start reading the books she emailed me (Th...
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So...

I sort of asked him if he has found the one he wants to spend his life with. At first he didn't want to answer. But I made him answer anyway. Then he said yes... and continued telling me about the girl that he wants to maybe marry one day. I smiled. Ya Allah, permudahkanlah urusan jodohku. Amin.
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Me, sitting at my desk, struggling to finish my reading.  I turn to my roommate: "No matter how hard this is and how much I am struggling right now, this is still better than teaching. This is 'pain' that I'm willing to go through" then my roommate says: "Yes because as a student, if you don't know what you're doing, it's part of the process, but as a teacher, if you don't know what you're doing..." Me: "...then you feel like a failure! yeah..." *Don't get me wrong, I love teaching and I love my students. It's just that I sometimes feel that I am not competent enough or experienced enough to teach. Also, the teaching environment that I was in was too much for me to handle, I felt lost most of the time. My self-efficacy as a teacher just went down. I needed to get out of that environment, and I did.
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