2023? Really?

And suddenly, it is 2023. 

I skipped the whole 2 years here - I neither had the time nor the interest to blog. 

But today I thought about this blog. I used to blog a lot since after high school (almost 20 years ago, what?!), it was the cool thing back then. These days my escapism is scrolling endlessly on Instagram or Tiktok. 

Anyway, I will turn 36 in September this year. I am still married, Alhamdulillah, and I have two kids. My firstborn will turn 8 in a few months, and my second one will turn 5. Sometimes it feels surreal, that I am now a mother with school-going kids. When I was 8, I thought my parents and people their age were old people haha. I think my mom had me at the same age I had Yusuf.

Life has been quite challenging the past few months - but I am slowly learning to accept, to let go, to be calm, to try to see the 'hikmah' behind everything that happens.

AJ, myself, and Afrina got Covid back in September, Yusuf was down with Dengue in October, Afrina was warded twice in December due to Bronchitis and high fever. So, of course, my anxiety was so bad the past few months...but I am grateful that I have AJ and that he has been so patient and understanding with me. Afrina has been getting sick a lot lately, I am not sure if it's because of long covid or if it's just something kids go through. I don't remember how it was with Yusuf. So we are still managing that but I hope all will be OK soon.

In terms of work, Alhamdulillah, for the first time in 9 years, I received some extra $$$ for being one of the top performers at my company. Despite the challenges in 2021 & 2022 - super happy to be getting this. It's like finally my efforts are seen & appreciated.

In terms of friendship - it has been very confusing for me. I sort of reconciled with one of my best friends from college/uni last year (I was the one who left the friendship back in 2018, but that's another whole story to tell). But I don't think it has been working out too well. I guess we are too different now so things just don't feel the same. This time around, I do not plan to break/leave the friendship again, but I don't think I can continue trying to mend it too. So, I will just leave it like this. 

Another (ex) best friend also agreed that we cannot continue to be close/good friends. I think I am OK with that too. Our views are too different, it is impossible to stay close and to 'agree to disagree'. We work together so I guess our friendship is just professional now. 

I think at this age and in my situation right now, I can no longer relate to the things they are still going through. So my reaction to their problems is usually interpreted not the way I intended it to be. When I thought I was being "understanding", they perceived it as the opposite. So yeah, it has been confusing and difficult to stay friends when we share less and less fundamental/common things with each other. Actually, we never did, but now the gap is just wider.

I think that is all for now. 

Will write more soon...maybe. I don't know.

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