Unpacking Life -

I actually cannot believe that 2020 is going to be over soon...like in a week...and the Covid19 situation in Malaysia isn't looking any better (it doesn't look like it's going to be OK anytime soon too). So I really don't know what to expect for 2021... I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Despite how messy 2020 has been, there are a few good things that I would like to highlight: One I am officially out of (huge) debt. I finally completed my 6 years of service to pay back my student loan for both my master's and bachelor's degrees. I think I am very lucky to be working under MARA subsidiary so I did not have to pay back in terms of money, Alhamdulillah. When I first started, the 6 years felt so long and hard to achieve, but thank God I don't hate my job, so it was bearable. I was also very lucky to get a superior that was very patient and understanding with me (I had no admin background and she taught me a lot of things about admin work).  My parent...

You know, seeing you get hurt twice (physically) this year is very very satisfying. Yes, it makes me very happy to see you get hurt (and I am not the cause of it). I wish it caused you permanent physical damage.  Maybe it is God's way of punishing you for all the hurt you've caused me, and how messed up I've become because of what you did. I hope your wife reads this too, serves her right for victim-blaming.  If only you admitted & actually apologised for what you did to me, maybe I would have sympathised with you. But you didn't, so padan muka. Don't get well soon ya!

I feel like I can relate so much to this quote right now. I actually have been thinking about my own attitude, and how I react to certain people in my life. I've been wondering why it is so hard for me to be nice to certain people in my life, to be more forgiving and accepting, but instead, I just shut down and avoid them at all costs. It's not like I didn't try, believe me, I have tried everything to just be at least indifferent, but I just can't. It's like all those dark feelings start to creep in me when I try to be civil and not let these people affect me negatively. So in the end, I choose to shut down, avoid, and just run away. It's like a "fight or flight" kind of thing (maybe this isn't the correct term, but that is something like what I'm feeling when I'm surrounded by these people). That's why I agree that not everyone will think I am a nice person. I really do believe that I am a nice and decent person, but it really depends ...

 ...and just like that, it's December. This year really felt fast & slow at the same time. I could never have imagined that 2020 would be like this. Despite all that's been happening this year, I guess I still have a lot to be grateful for.  Both my husband and I mostly worked from home since March 2020, when MCO started. Actually, my husband never got to work from his office since March, even after MCO was lifted. So it was just me working from the office every few days of the week. Around the end of May, we decided to send the kids to school/daycare again (the cases were pretty low & we felt quite safe sending them).  One of the things I got to do this year was actually taking my goal to become fit & healthy seriously. I actually started around June (I was back in JB) when I saw my sister working out using an app on her phone. I asked her what it was and that was when she told me about it. When I came back to KL, I downloaded the app and started the 30-day c...