One

The past 3 days have been an emotional rollercoaster for my husband and i... And it still is and will continue to be until.. I dont know when. I dont think our lives will ever be the same again.

Our baby, we've decided to name him Amir Yusuf bin Amir Saleh, was born through c-section on the 5th march 2015... He is born with a birth condition called congenital diapraghmatic hernia, which is when there is a hole in his diaphragm and the other organs shifted up crushing his lung... He needs surgery once his breathing is more stable.

We did not know about his condition... Even during pregnancy, apart from being a gdm mom, my pregnancy was quite normal. He was quite an active baby...

4 march 12 pm
We were told to go into labor when his amniotic fluid got too low... We still wanted a normal vaginal birth so waited for the baby to come after being induced. The doctor first inserted half a dosage... And i was only 3cm dilated by the next morning. Baby's hb was monitored almost 24 hours because it was not stable. i was starting to get restless when the progress was just too slow.

5th march 9am
The doctor inserted another half dosage and still i wasnt progressing. That afternoon she suggested csection. My husband and i talked about it and decided to go for an emergency c section when the baby's hb started to
Drop and rise rapidly...

About 6.30 pm i was prepped for
Csection. We asked for our families' consent and prayers... Husband was there with me in the labor room. Everything happened quite fast. I was put under epidural so i was awake during the whole process.. Husband watched the whole procedure. At 7.08 pm on the 5th march, baby yusuf was safely born into this world. He was put on me but i could see something wasnt right. He was very blue and was not crying. The doctor took him away and then i heard him crying. He was placed on me again and i got to see him and kiss him.

Doctor idora directed them
To take baby yusuf to doctor chai paeds to assess him. Husband went with baby. I was left alone with the doctors...

When i was taken up to my ward, that was when i learned that something was not right with baby yusuf. He was transfered straight to ppum... He needed syrgery...

That night i slept without my baby. My husband went to accompany baby to ppum

At 4 am, husband came back to the hosp... We hugged and told each other to be strong... 

Baby yusuf needs to be stablised before he can go for surgery...

6th march 2015 
I was given the permission to be discharged so i can see my baby...

After husband sorted everything, we went to see baby straight away.

6 march 2015 7 pm
My heart broke when i saw my baby... So small... And what a huge dugaan he has to go through... I wanted to hold him and kiss him but couldnt. 

I cried for a while... But i also know i needed to be strong.

Ya Allah lindungilah anakku amir
Yusuf. Make him well

I miss u and love u baby yusuf

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